In my bag I have a guitar, an I-Pod, a lacrosse stick, my teddy bear, a pillow, my last school's yearbook, a book, a pair of sneakers, a jar of peanut butter, and the first season of Lost. These items may seem to have nothing in common, but in fact, they do: these are all things that represent me as a person.
Let's start with the lacrosse stick. In the USA, I local lacrosse with my dad as the coach. During that time, I learned about teamwork and practice, both of which I had barely any experience with. I started without even knowing how to use the stick, and by the end of the season, I was one of the top scoring Middies. The lacrosse stick represents the hard work I did and how it eventually paid off.
In my bag I have a guitar. This year I started Intro to Guitar as one of my electives and immediately loved it. Although I am awful at playing it, I love the feeling of creating my own music, even if it makes my family's eardrums pop! The guitar represents my love of music and the freedom to make it.
We have now come to the pillow. This item has one major use which I adore: the ability to allow the user to an easy and restful sleep. I am like most children my age: I love to sleep. Middle School exhausts me and by the time I come home, all I want to do is jump on the couch and snore away. My parents consider this being lazy, but in fact I am simply catching up on my body's needs! The pillow represents my need of sleep and how I have come to bring it anywhere in case I need to catch up on sleep!
The next item is my I-Pod. My father LOVES music and something is always played as we go on with our day. As I grew up in this environment I came to love music almost as much as my dad. My I-Pod contains the essential music to an average 12-year-old. I use my I-Pod at least 3 times a day, if not more. The I-Pod represents my family's musical environment I grew up around.
As our eyes move down the picture, you'll notice a cute little teddy bear. This stuffed animal named Teddy has been my closest friend for more than 10 years. Every night he stands guard at the foot of my bed, ready to warn me of the shadow of the dark. If I could only take one item in a fire, I would take Teddy with no hesitation. If I were to lose him, all heck would break loose! Teddy represents my care for him and my love for inanimate objects!
The next item is my old school's yearbook. In it I have all the pictures of friends I miss and want to see again. Fortunatly, with today's advanced technology, my wish can come true! I Skype my friends constantly, and feel like I'm still there with all my closest friends. I move around a lot, and have a lot of friends from many different places. The yearbook represents the friends I make and keep.
Up next is a jar of peanut butter. Pretty random, right? Well, that jar just happened to be the first thing I could get my hands on in the pantry. All it represents is how much I love to eat! If you were to glance at me for the first time, you would probably no think I love food. I'm very skinny and small, but the only reason I'm not some dude from Biggest Loser is because I was blessed with a high metabolism. This means that food going into my stomach is immediatly turned into nutrients faster than most people's.
Next we have a book. I love to read, and this object represents it. Every night I snuggle up in my bed and take out a good book. For dthe next thirty or so minutes, I go to a different world. Books help me build imagination and writing skills, both important factors in the future.
In my bag I also have the first season of Lost. It shows that I love to watch TV and movies with my family. Every weekend the whole family gathers around the TV with a good bag of popcorn and watches a movie or show. During this time, our family gets together and forgets about the hard last week and simply hangs out with their loved ones.
And finally, I have of a pair of sneakers. I love to run, especially long distance. Running teaches me perseverance and endurance. Running makes me feel free and powerful.
The next item is my old school's yearbook. In it I have all the pictures of friends I miss and want to see again. Fortunatly, with today's advanced technology, my wish can come true! I Skype my friends constantly, and feel like I'm still there with all my closest friends. I move around a lot, and have a lot of friends from many different places. The yearbook represents the friends I make and keep.
Up next is a jar of peanut butter. Pretty random, right? Well, that jar just happened to be the first thing I could get my hands on in the pantry. All it represents is how much I love to eat! If you were to glance at me for the first time, you would probably no think I love food. I'm very skinny and small, but the only reason I'm not some dude from Biggest Loser is because I was blessed with a high metabolism. This means that food going into my stomach is immediatly turned into nutrients faster than most people's.
Next we have a book. I love to read, and this object represents it. Every night I snuggle up in my bed and take out a good book. For dthe next thirty or so minutes, I go to a different world. Books help me build imagination and writing skills, both important factors in the future.
In my bag I also have the first season of Lost. It shows that I love to watch TV and movies with my family. Every weekend the whole family gathers around the TV with a good bag of popcorn and watches a movie or show. During this time, our family gets together and forgets about the hard last week and simply hangs out with their loved ones.
And finally, I have of a pair of sneakers. I love to run, especially long distance. Running teaches me perseverance and endurance. Running makes me feel free and powerful.
A very strong start. I liked the voice you used - you spoke with and directly to the reader, which was effective, and you maintained this voice all the way through the piece. Pleasing style. The pillow was a strong paragraph. Just a few missing words here and there - go through with fresh eyes and fix, to keep the fluency going for the reader. I had to reread a few places where words were lost. I loved the image of you all watching TV together, you could have expanded this part. The link to the theme of freedom (Skype, running, music) was there but under the surface. I would have liked to see you make more of that, especially at the end, which seemed to suddenly stop. And now wonder you are slim - if you love long distance running! That made me smile. I hope you get a chance to do that here at ISKL, we have a great team.
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